I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
