dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
