we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
