I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
