I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
