I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
