One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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