Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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