Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There r osticjed everywhere
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
