You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
