I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
