it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize