dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
