No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
