how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
