Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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