i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
