the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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