Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
