Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
