Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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