So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize