thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
two words...techno handjob
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
