I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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