Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize