Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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