So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
