I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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