i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
