cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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