she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
