I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
