True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
