i think i have two assholes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
