Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
