I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
