PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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