you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
