so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
