well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
