I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
