fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
