Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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