Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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