i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
