how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
