I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
