It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
