miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
