I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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