ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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