There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
