You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
