I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
