Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
