I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
