Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
