plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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