I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
