i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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