is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
