people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
