If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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