Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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