Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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