i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
