I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
