If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
