I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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