Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
