ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
