this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
