I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
