DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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