he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
