There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
